Today I want to talk about insecurity. Why I believe it is the demon that holds us back the most in life. Insecurity, a constant internal battle, is one of life's most difficult challenges. It's the discomfort you feel with yourself, an unwelcome guest that lingers every day. Imagine living in a house that's persistently shaken by earthquakes. Despite your efforts to stabilise things, they come tumbling down again and again. Every step wavers as the floor beneath shakes. Even moments of tranquillity are unsettling, as you fear the return of an even fiercer quake. Your days are spent in apprehension, fearing the roof might collapse and bury you.
Insecurity is just like this, and it seeps into every aspect of life:
Relationships
Work
Family
Meals
Sleep
Leisure
Relaxation
Now, picture every day brimming with bubbling anxiety, persistently gnawing at your peace of mind. For me, this isn't a hypothetical scenario, but a reflection of my past emotions. Insecurity has been my long-standing demon, with feelings of never being 'good enough' constantly plaguing me. But what is 'good enough'? A question I've spent a considerable amount of time contemplating. I realised that it often stems from feeling unloved. Despite being blessed with an amazing childhood and loving parents, I felt like I was constantly competing for attention. Perhaps it was a case of middle child syndrome? (middle children will know the feeling lol) I believed that love was something to be earned, a reward for achievements like winning in sports or getting good grades.
Two beliefs solidified in my mind over time:
I needed to prove myself through achievements to earn love.
That love could only be received from others.
Looking back, I realise these beliefs controlled my life. Every bout of insecurity arose from my search for love in the wrong places. I exhausted myself striving for achievements to gain love and appreciation from others. While this drive led me to great accomplishments, it came at a heavy cost. I couldn't savour my achievements because I was always seeking approval from others. As humans, we thrive on love and acceptance. When someone fundamentally believes they are unloveable and will never be truly accepted, they begin to wilt, much like a plant deprived of sunlight. We all have our internal struggles. There's a narrative each one of us spins, reasoning why we believe we're unworthy. But just know that imperfection is a natural part of being human.
Remember, no one is perfect, and everyone has areas they can improve or grow. Embrace this imperfection; it's part of the human experience. Perfection is an illusion that can cause unnecessary stress and self-doubt. Instead, focus on continuous growth, learning, and self-improvement. This approach shifts the perspective from being "perfect" to being "better". Accept that you will always have room for growth and that it's okay to be a work in progress. By loving ourselves, including our imperfect parts, we acknowledge our humanity. Understand that our worth isn't tied to external validation or accomplishments but to our inherent value as human beings. Self-love involves recognising this inherent value and treating ourselves with kindness and respect. Regardless of external circumstances or opinions. This understanding liberates you from the self-inflicted mental prison. This lesson took me a while to realise. I made a lot of mistakes along the way, I suffered probably way longer then I needed to. But I found a way to overcome my insecurities and to be able to move forward in life. Here's how you can liberate yourself as well:
Step 1: Develop Self-Awareness:
Awareness is the first and crucial step in tackling insecurity. It's about taking a moment to notice what's going on inside your head and body. What are you feeling? What thoughts are racing through your mind? That these thoughts and feelings exist, but learn to observe them and not judge them. They're not good or bad. They're just there.
"Awareness is the first step to understanding what's going on inside you"
Quite often we will have a thought. And instantly attach a label to it as either good or bad. It is the moment that we attach a label that we then create a story behind the thought. This is where we become emotionally attached to our thoughts. We begin to buy into the story that we tell ourselves and accept it as truth. This then forms a limiting belief that you have about yourself. Which takes us into the next step.
Identification of Limiting Beliefs:
Next, it's time to dig deeper. Let's identify those limiting beliefs that have been holding you back. These are the thoughts that tell you, "I can't do this," or "I'm not good enough." Remember, these are just thoughts, not facts. Write them down. It is important to get them out of your head and to see them onto a paper. This helps reduce the power they have over you. It's time to bring these beliefs out of the shadows and into the light. Because everyone is scared of what you can’t see. As soon as you shine a light on it, it becomes visible. We begin to scrutinise it. Analyse it. And eventually we can come to the decision that it wasn’t as scary as what we originally thought it was. That takes us to challenging limiting beliefs.
Challenging Limiting Beliefs:
Now that you've identified your limiting beliefs, it's time to challenge them. Ask yourself, "Is this thought really true? Is there evidence that proves it's false?" Don't just accept these thoughts at face value. Put them on trial and see if they hold up. You might be surprised to find that many of them crumble under scrutiny. Write a list of times this belief wasn’t true. Quite often when we have a negative belief it is because we are conscious of the downsides and unconscious of the upsides. When we become more aware of the upsides, the downsides begin to lose their power over us.
Reframing Negative Thought Patterns:
Once you've challenged your limiting beliefs, it's time to reframe them. This means turning negative thoughts into positive ones. For example, instead of thinking, "I'm not good enough," you might think, "I am capable and worthy just as I am." Reframing isn't about lying to yourself. It's about viewing yourself and your situation in a more positive and realistic light.
Acceptance and Letting Go:
Acceptance is about understanding that you're not perfect, and that's okay. Letting go means releasing the need for external validation and approval. It's about learning to love and accept yourself as you are.
"Remember, everyone has flaws and makes mistakes. That's part of being human. Letting go is about releasing the grip that these insecurities have on you"
Building Self-Love and Self-Worth:
Finally, it's time to build up your self-love and self-worth. This is about treating yourself with kindness and respect. It's about recognising your inherent value and worth, independent of external validation or accomplishments. It's about caring for yourself, both physically and emotionally. Remember, you are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are. Building self-love and self-worth is the key to overcoming insecurity.
Final Words
As you navigate the path of self-discovery and acceptance, remember that the journey is just as important as the destination. Overcoming insecurities is not a one-time event, but a continuous process. With each limiting belief you identify, challenge, and reframe, you are taking a significant step towards a more confident and self-loving you. Now, it's your turn to take the first step. Embark on this journey of self-growth and transformation. You have the power to redefine your narrative and reclaim your self-worth. It's time to cast aside the weight of insecurity and embrace your true, wonderful self. You are more than good enough - you are exceptional, just as you are.
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